The Presidentialness of Newt Gingrich

According to the National Journal, Newt Gingrich has begun charging his supporters $50 for the pleasure, nay privilege, of taking a photograph with him. This is his latest desperate (and I’ve used the word desperate deliberately) to keep his campaign going, regardless of what those pesky voters do.

I think it’s time for a little thought experiment. If Newt charges $50 for a photo, and taking a photo is a 30 second process, it is fair to say that the Gingrich campaign values their candidate’s time at $100 a minute. And 30 seconds is a liberal estimate, given that photographers are literally dealing with the speed of light every time they snap a picture. At $100 a minute, this man could reinvigorate the economy by himself if he concentrated himself on something other than a losing campaign for president.

But he won’t do that because casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson keeps pouring money into super PACs determined to prop up the defeated husk of our former Speaker a la Weekend At Bernie’s. And while “casino billionaire” is the most baller title I’ve ever heard, I have to fault the guy for giving Newt even the slightest hope. At this point a vote for Newt is worth no more than the chuckle you get after pulling the lever. Honestly though, I’m not surprised Newt’s campaign has become a joke; his name IS the most similar to Lizard People.

So enjoy the laughs you get watching Newt Gingrich, clad in a head scarf and huge sunglasses, hide from the paparazzi like a true diva. Because the only thing more presidential than charging people to stand next to you for 30 seconds, is acting like Madonna.

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